Happy 4th of July.  Obviously I'm not working today because I'm not a communist.

...Psst, hey, you guys think they bought the part about me not being a communist?  Oh crap, I typed that out loud!

*Lights a couple cherry bombs to distract the crowd then disappears behind the ensuing smoke* 

The only thing Hollywood Execs love more than cocaine are comic books, and the only thing they love more than comic books are zombies.  Does that last sentence work?  Blow me, said a source close to the story.

David Fincher, has optioned movie rights for The Goon with plans to adapt the Dark Horse comic book into a CG animated film from Blur Studio.  Created by Eric Powell in 1999, The Goon, “tells the adventures of a muscle-bound brawler who claims to be the primary enforcer for a feared mobster. The Goon and his sidekick Franky often get tied up in other machinations, often in relation to the evil zombie gangs. [/Film]

Oh yeah, the mafia.  I forgot about that, people never make movies about them.  Hey, who wants to bet the teaser will be black, white, and red?  Anyone?

A review of Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson - opening this weekend

Disclaimer:  In the interests of full disclosure, I should note that I’m both a fanatical Hunter S. Thompson fan and a documentary lover.  I am, however, an asshole above all else, and feel confident that if this sucked I’d be the first one to say it. 

Director Alex Gibney, who previously helmed the critically acclaimed Taxi to the Dark Side, does an amazing job reminding me of what I loved about Hunter S. Thompson in the first place.  Perhaps his wisest move is quoting liberally from the writings of the man himself, and he gets damned near all the choice quotes.  The film opens with narrator Johnny Depp reading a passage from Thompson’s ESPN football column written just after September 11th, set to stock footage intermingled with cutesy shots of Hunter’s vantage point from his desk at Owl Farm. “The towers are gone now, along with all hopes for peace in our time…” Hunter’s old friend (and the guy who helped shoot his ashes out of a cannon) reads.

Opening with 9/11 might seem clichéd or melodramatic if the subject were anyone else, but Gibney keeps the focus on Thompson’s words, which are so engaging and so eerily prophetic on their own that it works.  It’s a microcosm of the movie as a whole: Gibney lets Hunter speak for himself, and if anyone was especially talented in that regard, it was Hunter S. Thompson.

The official poster for Disaster Movie (trailer here) has hit the web, and what a surprise!  It’s just a bunch of pop-culture references hastily slapped together!  I bet no one saw that coming!

My favorite part is the midget Indiana Jones.  Damn, these guys are clever.  But… wait, where have I seen that before?  Oh that’s right, UWE BOLL DID IT.  YOU STOLE FROM UWE BOLL.  I hope you’re happy Seltzer/Friedberg, because literally everyone else in the entire world wishes you were dead.

In his latest “Diddy blog”, P. Diddy explains why he’s so excited for Hancock.  He says that, growing up, he always wondered why there were no black superheroes.  Then he goes on and on about how FINALLY, there’s a black superhero.  Aside from the fact that he’s not very funny or interesting or have anything to say remotely worth recording, the sound of him chewing his gum into the microphone makes me want to gouge his eyes out with a crab fork.

Oh, and hey, Dingleberry, where the hell were you when Pluto Nash came out?  How ‘bout Meteor Man?  Spawn?  Those were all black superheroes. Did you want to wait until there was a black superhero that had a problem with alcohol and sleeping with young girls?  Bah, I suppose reading too much into this is like wondering whether retards prefer a particular brand of paste.  Anyway, vote or die, bitches.  

After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, in which Keanu Reeves plays Klaatu, an alien whose arrival on Earth triggers a global upheaval, and who sounds suspiciously like Bill S. Preston Esq of San Dimas.  Personally, I would’ve preferred a remake of lesser-known 50s sci-fi flick, The Day the Earth Shook Like a Motherfucker.  Much more action in that one.

-Thanks to Liam for the tip.  That's 'Mail' backwards!